How to Praise Your Child Effectively

In an effort to bolster their children’s self-esteem, many parents find themselves using vague phrases like “good job” throughout the day. At a certain point this habit doesn’t serve its intended purpose; it no longer has its motivating incentive, and kids seem to barely register the phrases.

So, how do we go about praising our children effectively? Research shows that using specific, effort-based praise is the best way to increase a child’s sense of accomplishment and intrinsic motivation.

Think about the difference between “nice work” and “I like how you took the time to proofread that assignment before submitting it”. Which will make your child more likely to tackle the next challenging assignment independently? What about “you did it!” verses “I appreciate that you cleaned up your toys the first time I asked you to”. Which will lead to a tidier room in the future?

Using specific examples that acknowledge your child’s effort rather than a bland “good job” not only promotes confidence and motivation, but encourages growth mindset. Children need reminders that the process of working towards a goal can be just as impressive as reaching it. This is especially important for kids with speech, language, or other learning difficulties.

Research also supports praising children for qualities they demonstrate. Consider “I love that you were so patient when you were helping your sister”, and “I noticed how respectful you were when talking to Mrs. Green today”. This type of praise teaches children that their positive qualities are noticed by others, which can be especially meaningful to children who are feeling discouraged by a skill they think is lacking, such as a delayed “r” sound or a stutter.

Remember, you don’t need to praise everything your child says or does. This will appear exactly as is it: disingenuous. Inflated or overused praise will have the opposite effect of what we intend. Children may become cocky instead of confident, or become jaded to praise all together. Instead, choose the things that really stand out or emphasize your child’s character. By doing so, you can help contribute to a healthy level of self-esteem.

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